Moment In Time Week 7

Today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water.  We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.  

Before we began our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct.  Some of us have even used ‘Show Don’t Tell’ in our writing to provide our reader with more of an experience.

Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end.  We had so much fun working together!

If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.  

Boy Overboard!

Jack was heaving on his rod but it was stuck, he kept heaving and heaving he looked down to see where it was stuck, he leaned over to much and he face planted in the icy cold water gasping for air, he could feel sharks bumping into him and he could feel the fins under his feet, Jack was frightened.  He heard the boat slowly moving away from him, “Help! Help!” he cried.

Nobody could hear Jack’s lonely call.  Jack could smell the diesel engine moving further and further away.  Jack started to give up his hopes, goosebumps started forming on the sides of his arms.  He didn't know what to do…he said to himself “I don't want to die this way” with a frown on his face and tear in his eye.

He could feel the sharks getting closer and closer to him, a shark pounced out of the water and bit his shoulder, he could hear the bone shattering into a millions of pieces, Jack sunk to the bottom of the deep blue sea slowly rising up to the top.  “I’m alive!” Jack shouted.  Jack had one arm but he was still grateful that he was alive…    

Written by Havana and Sonia.

Sonia:

I think I did well with giving ideas and fixing our punctuation.  I also learnt new words like heaving and pounced.  I had a lot of fun.  

Havana:

I think I did well with my ideas, editing and fixing our work.  I we both did well making the story interesting.  I learnt words like heaving and diesel engine.  I had fun.